ultrasounds

this is an excerpt from my musings on my website (www.contimedia.us/music). this last tuesday, my wife and i went for her first ultrasound and this is what i wrote down the moment i got home...

i can’t think of anything to compare with seeing my child for the first time. according to the measurements- it could fit right into my palm with plenty of room to spare. being able to watch it move around and suck on its thumb, seeing its backbone and brain and belly… its tiny hands and feet… i am beside myself. i cant tell you how proud i am of my wife for taking on the journey of childbirth. our lives have changed forever! never before have i had as deep of a sense in God’s design and purpose as when i looked at the tiny human thriving inside my wife. i don't think i have the right words to describe how i feel... it was beautiful and awesome all at once.

uncomfortably content

"I know both how to live in humble circumstances and how to live amid abundance. I am fully initiated into all the mysteries both of fulness and of hunger, of abundance and of want. I have strength for anything through Him who gives me power." philippians 4:12-13 (weymouth new testament)

i just found out that a $2,200 bill my wife and i would owe in february is being covered. this is welcome news. we're expecting our first child in april and i am beside myself with the sheer excitement of being responsible for the life of a child brimming full of God's purpose. but not so much with the monetary requirement thereof.
the economy is a black hole as we all know and despite everything i do to not worry about it, i am still uncomfortable and worried about it. yet, last night i was struggling with feeling content. why would i do that? why struggle with feeling content? simple. it goes against all this worry i have for everything going on around me.
being the good husband- i tell my wife: "don't worry about paying that" or "God knows and we'll be fine". easy words to say. not so easy words to actually believe. last night- struggling with actually believing that "God knows and we'll be fine" and my inecessant worry reached a pinnacle: i can be uncomfortably content.
i can be uncomfortable with the unstable world around me but i don't have to worry. i can be content with what i have (see my previous blog: a love of money). i can be content with where i am and with my circumstances. as paul says in the above scripture (and i paraphrase): "i have learned the secret of being content in every situation. i can do everything through him that gives me strength."
no matter if im living paycheck to paycheck or living off of a lottery winning (caffeine rarely works does not endorse gambling!) God gives me the strength to be content. i just have to learn to do everything through Him and not through my worry. after all- faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. why worry about what i can't see or control when God offers me the strength to conquer whatever lies ahead through my contenment in His purpose? there isn't a logical reason this side of sanity to do so!
as evidenced today- God is taking care of what i can't take care of and working everything out for His purpose. the next time i tell my wife "it's going to be okay, God's got this" i will make the greatest effort to put my faith and not my worry behind those words. i will be uncomfortably content.