uncomfortably content

"I know both how to live in humble circumstances and how to live amid abundance. I am fully initiated into all the mysteries both of fulness and of hunger, of abundance and of want. I have strength for anything through Him who gives me power." philippians 4:12-13 (weymouth new testament)

i just found out that a $2,200 bill my wife and i would owe in february is being covered. this is welcome news. we're expecting our first child in april and i am beside myself with the sheer excitement of being responsible for the life of a child brimming full of God's purpose. but not so much with the monetary requirement thereof.
the economy is a black hole as we all know and despite everything i do to not worry about it, i am still uncomfortable and worried about it. yet, last night i was struggling with feeling content. why would i do that? why struggle with feeling content? simple. it goes against all this worry i have for everything going on around me.
being the good husband- i tell my wife: "don't worry about paying that" or "God knows and we'll be fine". easy words to say. not so easy words to actually believe. last night- struggling with actually believing that "God knows and we'll be fine" and my inecessant worry reached a pinnacle: i can be uncomfortably content.
i can be uncomfortable with the unstable world around me but i don't have to worry. i can be content with what i have (see my previous blog: a love of money). i can be content with where i am and with my circumstances. as paul says in the above scripture (and i paraphrase): "i have learned the secret of being content in every situation. i can do everything through him that gives me strength."
no matter if im living paycheck to paycheck or living off of a lottery winning (caffeine rarely works does not endorse gambling!) God gives me the strength to be content. i just have to learn to do everything through Him and not through my worry. after all- faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. why worry about what i can't see or control when God offers me the strength to conquer whatever lies ahead through my contenment in His purpose? there isn't a logical reason this side of sanity to do so!
as evidenced today- God is taking care of what i can't take care of and working everything out for His purpose. the next time i tell my wife "it's going to be okay, God's got this" i will make the greatest effort to put my faith and not my worry behind those words. i will be uncomfortably content.

a love of money

i normally don't write about political or economic situations here, but i feel compelled to express what's spinning through my head as we watch wall st., the government and the world deal with the current economic "crisis".
i'm not going to discuss or outline what's going on but rather there's a point i want to drive at.
"Your life should be free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you. 6 Therefore, we may boldly say:
The Lord is my helper;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 Remember your leaders who have spoken God's word to you. As you carefully observe the outcome of their lives, imitate their faith. 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." (Hebrews 13:5-8 HCSB)
what we are witnessing is a perverse love of money showing it's true colours on a grand scale. i'm not saying that i have never loved money or what it could bring me, but i do know that God has instructed me to be free of the love of money. and now more than ever, i intend to do so.

fear is the absence of faith. because God has said that He will never leave me, i can boldly state that I will not be afraid. then why do i currently find myself fearful and doubting? because i'm not free from the love of money.
the stock market is crashing. banks are collapsing. my tax dollars are going to help people that probably dont need my help. bills are due. i have a kid on the way. gas costs way too much. nothing is free anymore. etc...
where is this fear coming from? a love of money. we love money to much to give up worrying about it. we fear what could happen if we dont have it. we hold dear every bit of it we have and burn in jealousy at the bit of it we don't have.
i find it hard to be content with what i have. i have a good car but it could be a better car. i have a nice apartment but it's no 3 bed 2 bath house. i have a good job but its a lousy job. what fuels my desire to be discontent? money. for, in order to upgrade all i have, i would need more money.
God says be free of the love of that discontent. be content with what i have. why? He will never leave me alone. That's why i can say that He is my help; i am not afraid. what can man do to me? after all, if He can clothe the grass that is cut and thrown away; and feed the birds of the air, He can most certainly provide for me.
if i'm sitting here, becoming more worried by every new thing that happens in the stock market or the way things go at work or all the bills and things that need to be paid- then it's up to me to free myself from the love of my discontent. The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid, for faith is the absence of fear.